推荐这篇日记的豆列
······您现在所在位置： >
如何对待人际关系中的讨厌之人
责任编辑：木木 来源：闻康资讯网
　　经常听不少朋友说起某个人时就恨声四起，虽然这个人对他有帮助，但对其的讨厌程度不亚于对敌人的仇恨。那么我们在日常的处理中该怎样对待你不喜欢的那些人呢，我们又如何去理解中所谓的讨厌呢。对此，我们请来了社交专家，专家认为，如何和讨厌的人相处是人际交往中很重要的一个环节，因为关系的处理包含多方面，其中就有何不喜之人的来往，具体请看以下的详细介绍吧。
　　关于讨厌其实并不理智，讨厌是相对的说法。如果我们理智地看待，几乎最讨厌的人身上都有值得学习之处。人们的普遍应激反应是同情弱者、讨厌强者。强大者必有讨厌之处，最讨厌的对象往往是因为强大而&获罪&。美国哲人爱默生讲了一句话，他说：&所有的英雄最后都令人讨厌。&人们用讨厌的模式来取得某种平衡和平等，从而适应&强者生存&的达尔文生态环境。
　　坦白说如果用客观的目光从公正的角度去理解的话，心平气和地思考，我们所讨厌的人，他们真的一无是处?恰恰相反，他们的许多能力、努力、耐力倒真是值得我们学习。学无定规。那些走在前列的人，开启的是学习模式。可人们也会担心，&我终于变成我所讨厌的人&。这种风险也是存在的，因此有人打趣道：&当你变成你所讨厌的人时，你就成功了。&
　　即使对方是讨厌的人也是我们无法掌握的人。没有任何道理不去学习他。因此，从讨厌模式切换到学习模式，是对待周遭事物最好的方式。讨厌是很还好的刹车，学习是及时的踩油门，在经济提速的历史快车道，讨厌使人清醒;而在如今金融危机的滞速车道中，学习则使人进步。
　　由此可以看出，当我们在处理人际关系的时候遇到自己所讨厌的人的时候，不应过于用自己主观的想法去解决处理，我们不能过于片面的去理解人际上的问题，只有和你的讨厌之人也处在了一种比较不错的状态，你的关系处理才算是到了好的境地。
　　相关阅读：微信号：callme_hr
扫码加一览职业生涯导师微信好友
深圳市一览网络股份有限公司（股票代码：833680）
版权所有 &如何巧妙应对讨厌的人？
在这个世界上，一万个人就有一万种性格。我们都希望生活在人人相亲相爱的理想世界里，然而现实中我们难免会遇到一些我们不喜欢的人。面对讨厌的人，我们该如何与之相处呢？聪明人自有妙招。学好这八条，你的世界也许就会豁然开朗。
By David K. William
毛川 选 王维 注
In a perfect world, each person we interact with would be nice, kind, considerate , mindful, generous, and more. They would get our jokes and we would get theirs. We would all thrive in a convivial atmosphere where no one was ever cross, upset, or maligned.
However, we don’t live in a perfect world. Some people drive us crazy, and we (admittedly ) drive a few mad as well. Those we dislike are inconsiderate, rushed, malign our character, question our motives, or just don’t get our jokes at all—but expect us to laugh at all theirs.
You might wonder whether it is possible to be fair to someone who ruffles you all the time, or someone you’d rather avoid eating lunch with. You might wonder if you should learn to like every person you meet.
According to Robert Sutton (a professor of management science at Stanford University), it’s neither possible—nor even ideal—to build a team comprised entirely of people you’d invite to a backyard barbecue.
That’s why smart people make the most out of people they don’t like. Here’s how they do it.
1. They accept that they are not going to like everyone.
Sometimes we get caught in the trap of thinking that we are nice people. We think that we are going to like everyone we interact with—even when that’s not going to happen. It’s inevitable you will encounter difficult people who oppose what you think. Smart people know this. They also recognize that conflicts or disagreements are a result of differences in values.
That person you don’t like is not intrinsically a bad human. The reason you don’t get along is because you have different values, and that difference creates judgment. Once you accept that not everyone will like you, and you won’t like everyone because of a difference in values, the realization can take the emotion out of the situation. That may even result in getting along better by agreeing to disagree.
2. They bear with (not ignore or dismiss ) those they don’t like.
Sure, you may cringe at his constant criticism, grit your teeth at her lousy jokes, or shake your head at the way he hovers around her all the time, but feeling less than affectionate to someone might not be the worst thing. “From a performance standpoint, liking the people you manage too much is a bigger problem than liking them too little,” says Sutton.
“You need people who have different points of view and aren’t afraid to argue,” Sutton adds. “They are the kind of people who stop the organization from doing stupid things.” It may not be easy, but bear with them. It is often those who challenge or provoke us that prompt us to new insights and help propel the group to success. Remember, you are not perfect either, yet people still tolerate you.
3. They treat those they don’t like with civility.
Whatever your feelings are for someone, that person will be highly attuned to your attitude and behavior, and will likely reflect it back to you. If you are rude to them, they will likely throw away all decorum and be rude to you too. The onus, therefore, is on you to remain fair, impartial, and composed.
“Cultivating a diplomatic poker face is important. You need to be able to come across as professional and positive,” says Ben Dattner, an organizational psychologist. This way you won’t stoop to their level or be sucked into acting the way they do.
4. They check their own expectations.
It’s not uncommon for people to have unrealistic expectations about others. We may expect others to act exactly as we would, or say the things that we might say in a certain situation. However, that’s not realistic. “People have ingrained personality traits that are going to largely determine how they react,” says Alan A. Cavaiola, PhD (psychology professor at Monmouth University in West Long Branch, New Jersey). “Expecting others to do as you would do is setting yourself up for disappointment and frustration.”
If a person causes you to feel exactly the same way every time, adjust your expectations appropriately. This way you’ll be psychologically prepared and their behavior will not catch you by surprise. Smart people do this all the time. They’re not always surprised by a dis-likable person’s behavior.
5. They turn inwards and focus on themselves.
No matter what you try, some people can still really get under our skin . It’s important that you learn how to handle your frustration when dealing with someone who annoys you. Instead of thinking about how irritating that person is, focus on why you are reacting the way you are. Sometimes what we don’t like in others is frequently what we don’t like in ourselves. Besides, they didn’t create the button, they’re only pushing it.
Pinpoint the triggers that might be complicating your feelings. You may then be able to anticipate, soften, or even alter your reaction. Remember: it’s easier to change your perceptions , attitude, and behavior than to ask someone to be a different kind of person.
6. They pause and take a deep breath.
Some personality characteristics may always set you off, says Kathleen Bartle (a California-based conflict consultant). Maybe it’s the colleague who regularly misses deadlines, or the guy who tells off-color jokes. Take a look at what sets you off and who’s pushing your buttons. That way, Bartle says, you can prepare for when it happens again.
According to her, “If you can pause and get a grip on your adrenaline pump and go to the intellectual part of your brain, you’ll be better able to have a conversation and to skip over the judgment.” A deep breath and one big step back can also help to calm you down and protect you from overreaction, thereby allowing you to proceed with a slightly more open mind and heart.
7. They voice their own needs.
If certain people constantly tick you off , calmly let them know that their manner of behavior or communication style is a problem for you. Avoid accusatory language and instead try the “When you…I feel…” formula. For example, Cacaiola advises you to tell that person, “When you cut me off in meetings, I feel like you don’t value my contributions.” Then, take a moment and wait for their response.
You may find that the other person didn’t realize you weren’t finished speaking, or your colleague was so excited about your idea that she enthusiastically jumped into the conversation.
8. They allow space between them.
If all else fails, smart people allow space between themselves and those they don’t like. Excuse yourself and go on your way. If at work, move to another room or sit at the other end of the conference table. With a bit of distance, perspective, and empathy, you may be able to come back and interact both with those people you like and those you don’t like as if unfazed .
Of course, everything would be easier if we could wish people we don’t like away. Too bad we all know that’s not how life works.
Vocabulary
1. considerate: 体贴的，考虑周全的。
2. thrive: 兴旺，茁壮成长；convivial: 欢乐的，愉快的；cross: 生气的；maligned: 恶意的，敌意的，后文malign为动词，意为“诽谤，污蔑”。
3. admittedly: 无可否认地。
4. ruffle: 触怒，使烦恼。
5. 斯坦福大学管理学教授罗伯特o萨顿说，一个完全由你愿意邀请到后院烧烤的人组建起来的团队（即团队中全是你喜欢的人）既不可能，也不切实际。comprise: 包含，由……组成。
6. inevitable: 不可避免的；encounter: 遇到；oppose: 反对。
7. intrinsically: 本质上地。
8. dismiss: 不理会，不接受。
9. 当然，你也许会因为他频繁的批评而感到难堪，对她差劲的笑话咬牙切齿，或者对他整天围着她转感到不屑，但是不喜欢别人也许并不是什么坏事。cringe: 感到难堪；grit one’s teeth: 咬牙切齿；lousy: 差劲的，糟糕的；hover: 徘徊；affectionate: 亲切的，充满爱意的。
10. provoke: 激怒；prompt: 激励，促使；propel: 推动，激励。
11. civility: 礼貌，礼仪。
12. attune to: 使协调，使合拍。
13. decorum: 礼貌，得体。
14. onus: 责任；impartial: 公平的，公正的；composed: 沉着的，冷静的。
15. diplomatic: 老练的，有策略的；poker face: 面无表情，指喜怒不形于色。
16. come across: 给人……印象。
17. stoop to: 屈尊，堕落到……。
18. unrealistic: 不切实际的，不实在的。
19. ingrained: 根深蒂固的，原有的。
20. get under one’s skin: 使人生气，令人讨厌。
21. irritating: 令人恼怒的。
22. 此处使用短语push one’s button，意为“惹恼某人”。
23. pinpoint: 查明，精确找到；trigger: 诱因；complicate: 使恶化。
24. perception: 感觉，看法。
25. set off: 激起，引起，此处指“惹恼”；consultant: 顾问。
26. off-color: 低级庸俗的，有伤风化的。
27. get a grip on: 了解，掌控；adrenaline: 肾上腺素；pump: 泵，此处指分泌。
28. tick sb. off: 使某人气恼。
29. accusatory: 指责的，控诉的；formula: 方案，方法。
30. cut sb. off: 打断某人讲话。
31. unfazed: 不苦恼的。
（来源：英语学习杂志 编辑：丹妮）
您将要订阅:
536948位用户
英语点津 (Language Tips) 隶属于国家重点网站中国日报网站，以新闻英语为特色，面向中国广大的高校师生、白领阶层、少年儿童及英语爱好者提供大量的权威、丰富、有趣、免费的英语学习资源，是你在英美文化中自由漫步的绝佳陪伴，阅读有乐趣，学习也轻松。
【上一篇】：
【下一篇】：
相关文章：
猜你喜欢：
用微信扫描二维码分享至好友/朋友圈