Different Perspectives
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Different Perspectives
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The probably familiar images of two straight lines (of equal
length) and a candlestick or wine glass (or two faces) show us that things are
often not as they first seem, and there’s almost always a different perspective.
there's a traffic accident, police ask for witnesses to come forward and
describe what happened.& They like to have as many witness statements as
possible so that they can build up enough evidence to give them a broader, more
realistic version of events.&& In a traffic accident, there will be
many different perspectives on what happened.& The driver of one car will
have one view, another driver or a passenger will have yet another view.&
Each onlooker who witnessed the accident will have a slightly different
perspective, depending on where they were, how
they were, how good a view they had, what else was going on, how much danger
they felt they were in, how the accident affected them, what the accident means
It's the same principle with
everything - each situation, event, conversation, means something different to
all those involved, and also to those not involved.& We give different
meanings, according to our belief systems, and how we are affected by the event.
We all have our own
realities.&&& Anais Nin
“We don’t
see things as they are, we see things as we are”.&
We look at situations, events, and
interpret what other people say and do, according to our own set of past
experiences, culture, faith, values, all of which help us form our beliefs about
ourselves, about others, and about the world in general.& The meaning we
give events, the way we make sense of our world, is based upon our set of core
Our minds are constantly trying to make sense of our
world, forming judgements and opinions about every situation, event,
interaction.& Those judgements and
opinions will be affected by our central or core belief system.& It is as though we are looking at the world
through distorted or coloured lenses & and everyone has their own personal
prescription or colour for their glasses.
belief system comprises:
I think about myself
I think about others
I think about the world
core belief system is formed and influenced by:
experiences
upbringing
circumstances
traits, including genetic influences
In the example above,
even situations in which others present find
enjoyable and relaxing, this
particular person will experience it very differently, and feel threatened by
others.& A look, word or gesture intended
to be friendly and kind, may be interpreted as &They don&t mean that.& They&re only trying to be kind to me because
they pity me&.& Or even, &They mean to
hurt me&.& Their mind is interpreting the
situation with the bias of &I&m vulnerable, others might hurt me, this is
dangerous, I&m useless and unlovable&.&
The mind will work to make any contrary information, fit with those
This is shown by &The
Mental Crusher&&& (Butler, Fennel, Hackman
Mental Crusher& sits outside the entrance to our belief system, and only allows
information or &evidence& which fits with our own belief system to enter.& Any contradictory evidence or information
(any shape other than a rectangle) is rejected, or made to fit (crushed into a
rectangle).& In the diagram, the
explosion shape is about to enter the Crusher.&
As it passes through (shown by the arrow), it becomes a rectangle & it&s
been crushed and distorted to fit.& Therefore,
our beliefs remain unchanged in spite of apparently contradictory evidence
being out there.&
Paraphrased
from p. 58 of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Anxiety Disorders by Butler,
Fennel & Hackman (Guilford 2008)&
In the case of our
earlier example, the information that 'a
person looked at me', is &crushed& and distorted (&they gave me a funny look&)
to confirm that others dislike or mean to hurt
Learning to see things
differently '
Sometimes it's useful to use a
metaphor to help us consider the bigger picture.
When something is
distressing us,
we're so close to it, emotionally&
involved with it, part of it - that makes it really hard to stand back from
what's happening.& It's like the well-known saying &We can't see the wood
for the trees&, or like 'Google Earth' - we see the close up
view but we can't see anything else.& We can zoom out our view and see the
bigger picture.& We could call this the Helicopter View.& As the
helicopter takes off, getting higher and higher, it sees a bigger and bigger
picture, and is less involved with the detail at ground level.
(Linehan 1993) is
the balanced part of us that comprises our inner knowledge and intuition, where
our emotional thinking mind (thoughts driven by distressing feelings) and
rational thinking
mind come together, the part of us that just &knows& that true
reality.& Emotion mind drives opinion, whilst reasonable mind is fact-based
Asking ourselves what 'wise mind' might make of this situation
will help us to stand back and be more aware of the bigger picture, and help us
respond in more helpful and effective ways.
Within any meeting of
people all the individuals will of course have their own belief system, and will
therefore have different perspectives & see and think about things differently
- and this will affect the way these individuals interact with each other.& We can learn to be more aware of how our own
belief system affects us, and consider how others might see the same situation
quite differently.& Wise Mind is the
balanced part of us that comprises our knowledge and intuition, where thinking
mind and emotion mind come together, the part of us that just &knows&, that
inner truth:
Seeing different
perspectives will help to reduce distressing emotions, help us feel more
confident, enable us to be more understanding and empathic, and improve communication
and relationships.& &
Learn to & () &
As we learn to challenge our
unhelpful thoughts and biased perspectives, and see things in a more balanced
and realistic way, so we will discover that situations and people can be
different to how we usually interpret things, which can lead us to modify our
core belief system, and therefore bring about lasting positive change.&
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