我对英语这么学科还是有极大的兴趣的，因为我知道这不仅仅是高考要考试的一门学科，它还是一种语言，跟我们生活密切有关。。我的英语基础不是很牢，自己的词汇量不是很多，对于很多的语言点都是生疏的，，平时我很少听磁带，所以我的听力很有点问题，导致上课老师用英语讲的句子听的不是很清楚。我也知道单词是学习英语的基础，只要掌握了单词才有继续学习英语的必要，高楼平地起。我的记忆力也不是很好，老师常说：同遗忘作斗争的最好办法就是反复记忆。希望老师今后多多帮助我，我也会把英语融入我的生活，我相信我不是最笨的，只是缺少勤奋的汗水。在此，谢谢老师了 的翻译是：My English is so subject is of great interest, because I know it's not just the college entrance examination to examination of a subject, it is a language, living closely with us ... My English is not very strong, his vocabulary is not very great, is unfamiliar to many language points, usually I rar 中文翻译英文意思，翻译丹麦语请在下面的文本框内输入文字，然后点击开始翻译按钮进行翻译，如果您看不到结果，请重新翻译！
我对英语这么学科还是有极大的兴趣的，因为我知道这不仅仅是高考要考试的一门学科，它还是一种语言，跟我们生活密切有关。。我的英语基础不是很牢，自己的词汇量不是很多，对于很多的语言点都是生疏的，，平时我很少听磁带，所以我的听力很有点问题，导致上课老师用英语讲的句子听的不是很清楚。我也知道单词是学习英语的基础，只要掌握了单词才有继续学习英语的必要，高楼平地起。我的记忆力也不是很好，老师常说：同遗忘作斗争的最好办法就是反复记忆。希望老师今后多多帮助我，我也会把英语融入我的生活，我相信我不是最笨的，只是缺少勤奋的汗水。在此，谢谢老师了
选择语言：从
罗马尼亚语
罗马尼亚语
正在翻译，请等待...
My English is so subject is of great interest, because I know it's not just the college entrance examination to examination of a subject, it is a language, living closely with us ... My English is not very strong, his vocabulary is not very great, is unfamiliar to many language points, usually I rar
My English is so subject is of great interest, because I know it's not just the college entrance examination to examination of a subject, it is a language, living closely with us ... My English is not very strong, his vocabulary is not very great, is unfamiliar to many language points, usually I rar
I am the English language or has a great interest in such subjects, because I know this is not just a college entrance exam to the disciplines, and it is a language, closely related with our lives. . My English is not a very solid basis, their vocabulary is not very large, for many of the language i
I have the enormous interest to English such discipline, because I knew this is not merely a discipline which the college entrance examination needs to take a test, it is one language, lives with us concerns closely.。My English foundation is not very firm, own vocabulary are not very many, regarding
相关内容&我的名字是我妈妈给我起的 My name is my mother gives me & 每天晚上准时睡觉 Every evening sleeps punctually & 江苏省连云港市苍梧路59号 Jiangsu Province Lienyungang city Cangwu road 59 & Though this belief continues to be strong some people question whether it is true. 虽然这信仰继续是强的某些人问题它是否是真实的。 & Don’t get off the bus until it stopped 不要下公共汽车，直到它停止了 & 你在门外？ you in the door? ; & Cooke Taylor Triplet Cooke泰勒三胞胎 & 超级电脑用起来非常爽 The supercomputer uses extremely crisply & 证明文件的名称 Proves the document the name & 检查给客人带走的小菜单或Promotion是否够用，如果不够，请准备 Inspection small menu or Promotion which carries off to the visitor is whether sufficient, if insufficient, please prepare & 他们会在下次买货时和我们联系 They can will buy goods when the next time and we relate & you are so good 您是很好 & 这里 正在翻译，请等待... & 你在门口? you in the door? ; & 外布 Outside cloth & 这个是没有区别 This has not distinguished & selected filename and new filename must be unlque 正在翻译，请等待... & The night was a bit cold I am a person on the road 正在翻译，请等待...
& waiting for you made me angry.but I'm very bliss 正在翻译，请等待...
& friends come in all different shapes and sizes.
Every friend has an impact on our life 朋友进来所有不同的形状和大小。 每个朋友在我们的生活有冲击 & dou u have girl-friend? 窦u有女朋友？ & 没有办法啦 Does not have the means & 她之前的业余活动是跳绳 In front of her the extra-curricular activity is the rope skipping & You mean how many? 您意味多少？ & 我将在本书中进一步阐述的理论是：文字不能代表事物，因而不能反映现实。 I the theory which further elaborated in this book will be: The writing cannot represent the thing, thus cannot reflect the reality. & 最美好的祝福送给你 The happiest blessing gives you & 你有一辆玩具轮船吗？ You have a toy steamboat? & 我们在KFC吃了午饭 We have had the lunch in KFC & 在。。。的两端 In.。。Both sides & 明天我得去理发了 I will cut hair tomorrow & 亲口对我 Personally & Not pain 不是痛苦 & 想你时看看照片 Thought when you has a look the picture & 那你到底是什么态度 Then you are any manner & 使用杀菌剂来防治病害。 The use disinfectant prevents and controls plant disease. & 祭奠我们的爱情 Holds a memorial service for us love & DJkk Rmx DJkk Rmx & 而不是去讨厌 But is not goes repugnantly & 明日复明日，明日何其多 Tomorrow will regain eyesight Japan, tomorrow how will be many & 18 dragon subduing palms 18翻译公司棕榈的龙 & 多复习做过的题目和读过的文章。 The multi-reviews has done the topic and has read article. & The basic requirements are detailed out in various clauses of the Technical Specifications. 基本要求详述以技术规格的各种各样的条目。 & Achilles'heel Achilles'heel & wailing today at 5:00 今天哀鸣在5:00 & I will be together with you for ever! I will be together with you for ever! & I come back the chinese speaker 我回来中国报告人 & Carry-In Service (3-Business Day)(8x5 运载在服务(3事务天) (8x5 & Baby you're my lover forever let me be your pink friends please let me love you Baby you're my lover forever let me be your pink friends please let me love you & Emphasize 强调 & 呵呵
你不也会么 Ha-ha How You not also meet & 司机开车要慢行，系好安全带 The driver drives wants the slow line, is the good safety belt & 国际知名公司 International well-known company & 张彦哲是Summer的妹妹 Zhang Yan wise is the Summer younger sister & 所有的谎言，我说过“我爱你”是我最真心的 All rumors, I had said “I love you” am my most sincerity & VIDEO KIT
60 录影成套工具 60 & 最有意思的是我还一个人上过你的课 Most interesting is on my also person your class & 又去偷情了 Also had an affair & may explode or leak if recharged disposed of in fire or dissected 在火可以爆炸或漏，如果充电处理或解剖 & When you are afraid of losing something ,it means that you have no choice but to abandon it or give up yourself 当您害怕丢失某事时，它意味着您没有选择，但摒弃它或放弃你自己 & Route Check-list 路线清单 & Brother class 兄弟类 & that likes 那喜欢 & 我会很难受 I can be very uncomfortable & 你们来自哪里 Where do you come from & ifsc code:scbl0036001 ifsc代码：scbl0036001 & 台灯、洋娃娃、足球、电话 Desk lamp, foreign-style doll, soccer, telephone & 燃油泵 Fuel pump & - Ghost. Floating in the world, and the. You. In another world -鬼魂。 漂浮在世界上，和。 您。 在另一个世界 & 除了帮妈妈干家务活之外 Sans compter que la mère d'aides pour faire les travaux domestiques pour vivre & I really do not know what love to eat 我真正地不知道吃的什么爱 & To use our company name, logo and details of the transactions which we have worked on together for awards submissions. 使用我们为奖提议一起工作的我们的交易公司名称、商标和细节。 &（2014o泰州）小张同学得知我国早在西汉时期，就能利用铁单质与硫酸铜溶液反应制取铜，其反应的化学方程式为CuSO4+Fe═Cu+FeSO4．他利用硫酸铜进行趣味实验，将浸泡了蓝色硫酸铜溶液的滤纸在酒精灯火焰上点燃，观察到滤纸颜色变白，由湿变干后燃烧．在燃烧后的灰烬中出现红色固体．他很好奇，进行了相关探究，请你参与并填写有关空白．
【提出问题】
红色固体是什么物质？它是如何产生的？
【查阅资料】
（1）温度达200℃时，CuSO4开始分解生成CuO和另一种氧化物；此反应前后各元素的化合价保持不变．
（2）温度超过1000℃，CuO才分解生成氧化亚铜（Cu2O）；Cu2O呈红色．
【作出猜想】红色固体①可能是Cu；②也可能是Cu2O；③还可能是Cu、Cu2O的混合物．
【实验探究】
（1）取红色固体观赏，呈亮红色；
（2）取少量红色固体于试管中，加入稀硫酸，固体不溶解，溶液仍为无色．
【分析推理】
（1）请教老师后得知，如有Cu2O存在，加入稀硫酸会发生如下反应：Cu2O+H2SO4═CuSO4+Cu+H2O结合实验探究的现象，确定亮红色固体为铜，同时也说明滤纸燃烧时的温度低于A（填序号）
&&&&& A.200℃B.1000℃
（2）滤纸主要是由碳、氢、氧三种元素组成的，经分析，产生红色固体的原因可能是滤纸在燃烧过程中产生的碳与分解产生的CuO发生反应，生成亮红色固体和二氧化碳，请写出该反应的化学方程式C+2CuO2Cu+CO2↑．
【交流讨论】
（1）将浸有硫酸铜溶液的滤纸点燃，刚开始不能燃烧，是因为没有达到燃烧所需的最低温度（着火点）．
（2）此实验中，CuSO4受热分解生成CuO和SO3（填化学式）．
铁单质与硫酸铜溶液反应制取铜，反应的化学方程式为：CuSO4+Fe═Cu+FeSO4，铜离子显蓝色，硫酸铜溶液是蓝色溶液；
【作出猜想】根据温度超过1000℃，CuO才分解生成氧化亚铜（Cu2O）；Cu2O呈红色，铜也是红色，；③还可能是Cu、Cu2O的混合物；
【分析推理】
（1）由于铜不能与稀硫酸发生反应而Cu2O能与稀硫酸反应生成铜和硫酸铜，反应后溶液呈蓝色说明固体中含有Cu2O；若无现象，则固体中只含有铜；根据探究，取少量红色固体于试管中，加入稀硫酸，固体不溶解，溶液仍为无色，则固体中只含有铜；同时也说明滤纸燃烧时的温度低于200℃
（2）碳与CuO发生反应，生成亮红色固体和二氧化碳，反应的化学方程式为：C+2CuO&2Cu+CO2↑；
【交流讨论】
（1）将浸有硫酸铜溶液的滤纸点燃，刚开始不能燃烧，是因为没有达到燃烧所需的最低温度（着火点）；
（2）CuSO4开始分解生成CuO和另一种氧化物；此反应前后各元素的化合价保持不变，故CuSO4受热分解生成CuO和SO3．
&CuSO4+Fe═Cu+FeSO4&&&&&&&& 蓝
【作出猜想】③Cu、Cu2O
【分析推理】
（1）铜&& A
（2）C+2CuO&2Cu+CO2↑；
【交流讨论】
（1）没有达到燃烧所需的最低温度（着火点）；
（2）SO3．
根据铁单质与硫酸铜溶液反应制取铜，写出反应的化学方程式，根据铜离子显蓝色解答；
【作出猜想】根据温度超过1000℃，CuO才分解生成氧化亚铜（Cu2O）；Cu2O呈红色，则CuO的生成物可能为Cu，也可能为Cu2O，还有可能为Cu、Cu2O的混合物；
【分析推理】
（1）根据所设计的实验：向红色固体中加入足量稀硫酸，由于铜不能与稀硫酸发生反应而Cu2O能与稀硫酸反应生成铜和硫酸铜，反应后溶液呈蓝色说明固体中含有Cu2O；若无现象，则固体中只含有铜；
（2）根据碳与CuO发生反应，生成亮红色固体和二氧化碳，写出反应的化学方程式；
【交流讨论】
（1）根据燃烧的条件解答；
（2）根据CuSO4开始分解生成CuO和另一种氧化物；此反应前后各元素的化合价保持不变，利用质量守恒定律解答．有趣的英语小短文
最近（2010年10月）将举办英语演讲，我需要几个短小的英文故事，便要爸爸给提供一个。于是爸爸讲了一个他上学时期的一个有趣的短文“长寿秘诀”说给我听。
Secret For a Long Life
A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says. "What's
your secret for a long, happy life?"
"I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat
fatty foods and never, ever exercise."
"Wow, that's amazing," says the woman. "How old are you?"
"Twenty-six."
听完后感觉很有意思，于是我就特意搜集了部分类似的有趣的英语小短文，在此介绍给大家。
希望大家快乐学英语。
*************（以下搜集自某网站博客）*****************
Speed Limit
The British RAF base where I was stationed as part of a contingent
of USAF personnel had one narrow road winding through the crowded
residential area. After a rash of minor vehicle pedestrian
accidents, the USAF commander decided to reduce the speed limit to
three m.p.h.
Shortly after the new limit was posted, an MP sergeant issued a
speeding citation to a jeep driver for going five m.p.h. I was
curious to know how the MP had determined the jeep's speed so
exactly. "I was jogging to get to the PX before it closed," he
explained, "and as I passed the jeep, I noticed that the
speedometer read five m.p.h."
我作为美国空军人员分遣部队的一员驻扎在英国皇家空军某某地，那里有一条狭窄的马路蜿蜒穿过拥挤的居民区。因为多次出现汽车撞伤行人一类不甚严重的车祸，美国空军司令员决定将车速限制在每小时三英里。
新的车速限制公布后不久，一名骑警中士因一名吉普车司机开车时速达五英里而给他开了一张超速传票。
我很想知道骑警是怎样如此精确地知道那辆吉普车的速度的。“我遛达着要在邮局关门之前到达那里，”他解释道：“当我超过吉普车时，我注意到计速器指向了每小时五英里。”
Quick Reaction
My battery commander and I were interviewing candidates for a
position as reconnaissance sergeant in our artillery unit. The
selected soldier needed to have keen eyesight, plus the ability to
react quickly. During one interview, the commander pointed to a
hill about a mile away and asked a young sergeant, "Can you see
that hill over there?"
"Yes, sir." he replied.
"Can you see the radio antenna on that hill?" Again, the soldier
said that he could. "Well, then," the commander went on, "Can you
see that bird sitting on the antenna?"
The sergeant leaned forward and squinted. "No, sir," he said, "but
I can hear it is singing."
He got the job.
我和连长在面试我们炮兵部队侦察中士一职的候选人。被选的士兵要求有敏锐的观察力及快速的反应力。在一次面试时，连长指着一英里外的一座小山问一名年轻的中士：“你能看见那座山吗？”
“是的，长官。”他回答道。
“你能看见那座山上的无线电天线吗？”那士兵又说他能。“那么，”连长接着说：“你能看见停在天线上的那只鸟吗？”
那名中士身体前倾，眼睛眯成一条缝。“看不见，长官，”他说，“但我听见它在唱歌。”
他得到了那份工作。
None Other Than a Soldier
As a newly commissinaed infantry lieutenant, I was eager to set an
example for my platoon by cleaning my own M-16 rifle. While we were
working on the weapons, one soldier complained about the unusual
notched shape of the M-16's bolt and chamber, which makes it
difficult to clean.
"Lieutenant, they need to make something to clean this with," the
soldier said.
"They do," piped up a sergeant.
"Really," I said with surprise, wondering why we had not ordered
such a tool.
"Yes, sir," replied the sergeant. "It's called a soldier."
作为一名新上任的步兵中尉，我通过擦拭自己的M-16式自动步枪给全排作个榜样。我们一块擦枪，一名战士抱怨由于M-16的枪栓枪膛的特别凹形结构，擦起来十分困难。
“中尉，应该制造一种擦这枪的工具。”士兵说。
“已经制造出来了。”一军士尖叫。
“真的？”我十分诧异，纳闷为什么我们没有定购这种工具。
“真的，长官，”军士答道，“它就是士兵。”
Visual Training
The squad were having "visual training". One smart recruit was
asked by the officer to count how many men composed a digging party
in a distant field. The party was so far away that the men appeared
as mere dots, but unhesitatingly the recruit replied:
"Sexteen men and a sergeant, sir."
"R but how do you know there's a sergeant there?"
"He's not doing any digging, sir."
班里正在进行“视力训练”。一个聪明伶俐的新兵被班长叫出来数远处旷野上采掘队的人数。采掘队在很远的地方，那些人看起来只是一些小点儿。但是这个新兵毫不犹豫的回答：
“十六个士兵和一个中士，长官。”
“正确。可你如何知道那儿有一个中士？”
“他不干活，长官。”
Best Reward
A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The
officer asked how he could reward him.
"The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about
it. If the other fellows knew I'd pulled you out, they'd chuck me
最好的奖赏
一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。这位军官问如何都能酬谢他。
“最好的办法，长官，”这名水手说，“是别声张这事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他们会把我扔下去的。”
I Didn't Know That I Was So Far Back Already!
A big battle was going on during the First World War. Guns were
firing, and shells and bullets were flying about everywhere. After
an hour of this, one of the soldier decided that the fighting was
getting too dangerous for him, so he left the front line and began
to go away from the battle. After he had walked for an hour, he saw
an officer coming towards him. The officer stopped him and said,
"Where are you going?"
"I'm trying to get as far away as possible from the battle that's
going on behind us, sir." the soldier answered.
"Do you know who I am?" the officer said to him angerly. "I'm your
commanding officer."
The soldier was very surprised when he heard this and said, "My
God, I didn't know that I was so far back already!"
真没想到我已经往回跑了这么远!
第一次世界大战期间，一场大战役正在进行。枪炮轰鸣，子弹横飞。这样持续了一小时后，有个士兵认为战斗太危险了，所以他离开前线，开始逃离战场。走了一个小时后，他看见一个军官朝他走过来。军官拦住他，问道：“你到哪儿去？”
“长官，我正尽力躲开身后正在进行的战斗。”士兵回答说。
“你知道我是谁吗？”军官生气地说：“我是你们的指挥官。”
士兵听了十分惊讶地说：“天哪，真没想到我已经往回跑了这么远!”
Large Uniforms
During our first three days at Lackland Air Force Base in San
Antonio, we were herded from place to place for haircuts, shots and
uniforms. Back in our barracks, the drill instructor told us to put
on our uniforms and fall out in front of the building. Some of the
uniforms, however, were extremely large. As we filed outside, the
sergeant stood by the door with his assistant. "We have to take
some of these people back for refitting," he said. "That last man
took two steps before his uniform moved."
在圣安东尼奥的莱克兰空军基地的头三天，我们被从一个地方赶到另一个地方去理发、照相、领制服。回到营房之后，训练指导员让我们穿上制服，在营房前原地解散。但是，我些制服特别大。我们列队的时候，中士和他的副手就站在门边。“我们得将一些人弄回去重新量一下，”他说，“最后那个人走了两步，他的制服才动。”
Serving as a Marine recruiter in western North Carolina, I found a
young man who met all the requirements and was ready to enlist. I
explained the importance of being truthful on the application, and
he began filling out his paper work. But when he got to the
question "Do you own any foreign property or have any foreign
financial interests?" he looked up at me with a worried expression.
"Well," he confessed, "I do own a Toyota."
We enlisted him the next day.
当我在北卡罗来纳州西部当海军征募员时，发现一名年轻人符合所有的条件并准备入伍。我解释了填申请时诚实的重要性，他就开始填表格。但当他填到“你是否拥有国外资产或是有国久金融股权？”这个问题时，他带着忧虑的表情抬起头看了看我。“这个，”
他坦白说，“我确实拥有一辆丰田。”
第二天，我们录取了他。
I once lived in Arizona near fort Huachuca, an Army installation.
Our street consisted mainly of mobile homes with small yards, but
grass was difficult to grow in that climate, especially with the
many children and dogs romping through the neighborhood. One lawn
stood out, however. It was green and lush with neat rows of
flowers. I was puzzledhow the owner managed to do it until I
noticed a sign in the yard. It read: "Danger-Minefield."
我在亚利桑那州靠化奇卡要塞附近的一个军队驻扎地住过一段时间。街道两边主要是带有小型庭园的移动房屋，不过由于气候的原因，尤其是许多顽童还有狗四处乱跑，所以青草很难生长。然而，有一片草地幸免于难，长得郁郁葱葱，还间隔着排排鲜花。主要是用了什么妙方呢？当我注意到放在庭院里的一块牌子时就不觉得奇怪了，上面写道：“危险－布雷区。”
Two Soldiers
Two soldiers were in camp. The first one's name was George, and the
second one's name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of
paper and an envelope, Bill?"
Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.
Then George said, "Now I haven't got a pen." Bill gave him his, and
George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said,
"have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.
Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are
you going out?"
Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.
George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office,
and..." He stopped.
"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.
George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What's
your girl-friend's address?"
军营里有二名士兵，一个叫乔治，一个叫比尔。乔治问：“比尔，你有信纸、信封吗？”
比尔说：“有。”然后把信纸和信封给了乔治。
乔治又说：“我还没有笔呢。”比尔又把自己的笔给了他。乔治开始写信。写完后把信放进信封里，又问：“比尔，你有邮票吗？”比尔给了他一张。
这时比尔站起来，向门口走去。乔治问：“你要出去吗？”
比尔说：“是的。”随即打开了门。
乔治说：“请帮我把这封信投进办公室的信箱里，还有...”他停住了。
“你还要什么？”比尔问。
乔治看着信封说：“你女朋友的地址是－？”
Very Pleased to Meet You
During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the
army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and
of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her,
"I'm going aboard tomorrow, but I'd be very happy if we could write
to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several
Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another
officer, telling her that ha had been wounded and was in a certain
army hospital in England.
Joan went there and said to the matron, "I've come to visit Captain
Humphreys."
"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron
"Oh, that's all right," answered Joan. "I'm his sister."
"I'm very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I'm his
很高兴认识你
在第二次世界大战中，有许多年轻的妇女在军营中服役。琼.飞利浦斯是其中之一。她在一个大军营中工作，当然遇到了许多男士，包括军官和士兵。
一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了军官汉弗雷斯。他对她说，“我明天就要出国，但如果我们能够相互写信，我会很高兴。”琼同意了，于是他们几个月里一直通着信。
后来，他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信，告诉她，他受伤了，住在英格兰的某个部队医院里。
琼到了医院，她对护士长说，“我来看望军官汉弗雷斯。”
“这里只有亲属可以探望病人。”护士长说。
“噢，是的，”琼说，“我是他的妹妹。”
“很高兴认识你，”护士长说，“我是他的母亲。”
Five Months Older
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army,
but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if
they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said
that he was 18.
But John's brother had joined the army a few days before, and the
same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older
boy's family name, so when he saw John's papers, he was
surprised.
"How old are you?" he said.
"Eighteen, sir," said John.
"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you
"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is
five months older than I am."
第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。
可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。
“你多大了？”军医问。
“十八，长官。”约翰说。
“可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗？”
约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。”
A Young Officer and an Old Soldier
A very new, young officer was at a railway station. He was on his
way to visit his mother in another town, and he wanted to telephone
her to tell her the time of his train, so that she could meet him
at the station in her car. He looked in all his pockets, but found
that he did not have the right money for the telephone, so he went
outside and looked around for someone to help him.
At last an old soldier came by, and the young officer stopped him
and said, "Have you got change for ten pence?"
"Wait a moment," the old soldier answered, beginning to put his
hand in his pocket. "I'll see whether I can help you."
"Don't you know how to speak to an officer?" the young man said
angrily. "Now let's start again. Have you got change for ten
"No, sir," the old soldier answered quickly.
青年军官与老兵
一位很年轻，新晋升的军官在火车站候车。他是在去看望住在另一个小镇的母亲的路上，他想打电话告诉她到站时间，以便她能开车来火车站接他。他寻遍了所有的口袋，但没有找到打电话用的硬币，于是他走出车站，环顾四周想找人帮忙。
终于有名老兵路过，年轻的军官拦住了他问道：“你有十美分的硬币吗？”
“等会儿，”老兵说着，把手伸进口袋，“让我看看我能否帮助你。”
“难道你不知道如何跟一位长官说话吗？”年轻人生气地说，“现在让我们重新开始，你有十美分的硬币吗？”
“没有，长官。”老兵迅速答道。
What's your name?
A very strict officer was talking to some new soldiers whom he had
to train.He had never seen them before,so he began:"My name is
Stone,and I'm even harder than stone,so do what I tell you or
there'll be trouble.Don't try any tricks with me ,and then we'll
get on well together"
Then he went to each soldier one after another and asked him his
name."Speak loudly so that everyone can hear you clearly,"He
said,"and don't forget to call me 'sir'".
Each soldier told him his name,unitl he came to the last one.This
man remained silent,and so Captain Stone shouted at him,"When I ask
you a question,answer it!I'll ask you again:What's you
name,soldier?"
The soldier was very unhappy,but at last he replied."My name is
Stonebreaker,sir"he said nervously.
你叫什么名字？
有一位很严厉的军官在对一群交由他训练的新兵训话。他以前从没见过这群新兵，于是他开始自我介绍：“我的名字叫Stone(石头)，事实上，我甚至比石头更强硬。这就是我为什么要告诉你们我名字的原因。不要试图对我玩什么花招，这样我们就能很好相处了。”
接着他开始走到每个士兵前面问他们的名字。“说大声点，让每个人都能听清楚。另外，不要忘记称呼我为长官。”他说。
每个士兵都对他说了自已的名字。他走到最后一位士兵面前时，这个士兵保持着沉默。于是Stone队长对他喊叫，“当我问你问题的时候，要回答！我再问一遍，你的名字，士兵？”
那个新兵很不高兴，但最后他回答了。“我的名字是Stonebreaker(碎石机)，长官。”他紧张的说。
Midway Tactics
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall.
Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic
Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices
Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply
stated, "ENTRANCE".
三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条林荫道上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。
右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”
左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”
中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。
Early Shopper
It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he
questioned the prisoner. "What are you charged with?" he
"Doing my christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offense," replied the judge, "How early were you doing
this shopping?"
"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.
那天是圣诞节，法官在审讯犯人时也有点恻隐之心。“你为什么而被起诉？”他问。
“采购圣诞节物品过早。”被告答。
“这不算犯法，”法官回答，“你购物多早？”
“在商店开门之前”，犯人应道。
Too Polite
A woman who frequented a small antique shop rarely purchase
anything, but always found fault with the merchandise and prices.
The manager and her salesclerk took the woman's grumpy complaints
in stride, but one day she went too far. "Why is it I never manage
to get what I ask for in your shop?" demanded the woman.
A smile on her face, the clerk calmly replied, "Perhaps it's
because we're too polite."
一名妇女经常光顾一家小古董店，但几乎从不买什么东西，却总是对商品和价格吹毛求疵。对于那妇女的粗暴抱怨，经理和她的销售员总是应付了事，但是有一天她做得太过分了。“为什么你们店里总是不能得到我想要的东西？”那名妇女指责说。
职员脸上带着微笑，沉着地回答道：“也许是因为我们太有礼貌了。”
Good Points and Bad Points
"This house," said the real-estate salesman, "has both its good
points and bad points. To show you I'm honest, I'm goint to tell
you about the disadvantage - there is a chemical plant one block
south and a slaughterhouse one block north."
"What are the advantages?" inquired the prospective buyer.
"The good thing about it," said the agent, "is that you can always
tell which way the wind is blowing."
“这幢房子，”房地产推销商说，“既有优点也有缺点。为了说明我是诚实的，我将告诉你们它的缺点 -
往南面一个街区是一家化工厂，往北面一个街区是一家屠宰场。”
“那么它的长处呢？”预备购买房子的人问道。
“它的好处，”代理商说道，“就是，你总能分清风是从哪边吹过来的。”
Keep the Change
Selling secondhand books at our church bazaar, I got into an
argument with a prospective customer. He was interested in buying
The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash but claimed it was overpriced at 35
cents. Other paperbacks were selling for ten or 15 cents each. I
pointed out that the book was in good condition. Nash was a fun
poet, and it was for a good cause. He said it was a matter of
principle. Ultimately, I agreed to sell him the book for 15 cents.
Triumphant, he paid with a $10 bill. "Keep the change," he
零钱不用找了
在教堂的义卖市上卖旧书时，我与一名准备买东西的顾客发生了一场争论。他对购买袖珍奥金.纳什集颇感兴趣，但是说它要三十五美分开价过高。其它的平装书每本才卖十或十五美分。
我指出这本书保存状况颇好，纳什是个有趣的诗人，这个要价是合理的。他说这是个原则问题。最终，我同意以十五美分的价格将这本书卖给他。他得意洋洋，拿出一张十美元的票子付帐。“零钱不用找了。”他说。
The fried-chicken restaurant where I was working had a big rush
just before closing one day, leaving us with nothing to sell but
wings. As I was about to lock the doors, aa quietly intoxicated
customer came in and ordered dinner. When I asked if wings would be
all right, he leaned over the counter and replied, "Lady, I came in
here to eat, not fly."
一天，我工作的炸鸡店在关门前出现了一阵抢购狂潮，结果除了鸡翅外所有的东西都卖完了。当我正准备锁门时，一名喝醉了的旅客进来要进餐。我问他翅膀行不行，他从柜台上靠过身子来，回答道：“女士，我到这儿来是吃东西的，不是要飞！”
On our way to a wedding in Vermont, my husband and I realized we
had forgotten our camera. We stopped at a general store and, hoping
to purchase a cheap, disposable model. Sal asked the owner, "Do you
have any of those throwaway cameras?"
"Look, fella," replied the owner, "I don't care what you do with it
after you buy it."
在前往威蒙特参加一个婚礼的路上，我和丈夫意识到我们忘了带照相机。我们在一家百货商店门前停了下来，希望能够买到一种便宜的，一次性照相机。萨尔问店主：“你们有那种用了就扔的照相机吗？”
“我说，小伙子，”店主回答说，“我可不管你买了之后怎么处理它。”
Three Whistles
I promised my girlfriend a gold necklace for her birthday, but when
the jeweler quoted a price for one we liked, I let out a long, low
whistle. "And how much are they then?" I asked, pointing to another
"You, sir," replied the jeweler, "about three whistles."
我答应过我的女朋友过生日进送她一条金项链。可是当珠宝商报出我们看中的那条项链的价格时，我低低地打了个长口哨。“那这条项链多少钱呢？”我指着另一个盘子里的项链问。
“先生，对你来说，”珠宝商答道，“大约值三声口哨。”
Two Dollars
Jim walked into a store which had a sign outside: "Second-hand
clothes bought and sold." He was carrying an old pair of pants and
asked the owner of the store, "How much will you give me for
these?" The man looked at them and then said rudely, "Two
"What!" said Jim. "I had guessed they were worth at least
"No," said the man, "they aren't worth a penny more than two
"Are you sure?" said Jim.
"Very sure," said the man.
"Well," said Jim, taking two dollars out of his pocket, "here's
your money. These pants were hanging outside your store with a
piece tag that said $6.50, but I thought that was too much money,
so I wanted to make sure how much they were really worth."
Then he walked out of the store with the pair of pants and
disappeared before the surprised store owner could think of
anything to say.
吉姆走进一家挂着“旧衣服买卖”招牌的商店。他手上拿着一条旧裤子，问店主：“这条裤子你给多少钱？”店主看了他一眼，粗鲁地说：“两块钱。”
吉姆说：“什么？我认为至少要值五块钱呢!”
店主又说，“不!就是两块钱，绝不会多一分钱。”
吉姆说：“你那么肯定？”
店主说：“当然了!”
吉姆一面从口袋里拿出两块钱，一面说：“好!给你钱，这条裤子本来挂在贵店外面，标价六块五。但我认为太贵了，所以我想确定一下它究竟值多少钱。”
说完，他就带着那条裤子走出店门不见了人影，而这位惊讶不已的主人还没有想出如何回答。
How Much Is It?
It was winter, and Mrs. Hermann wanted to do a lot of shopping, so
she waited until it was Saturday, when her husband was free, and
she took him to the shops with her to pay for everything and to
carry her parcels. They went to a lot of shops, and Mrs. Hermann
bought a lot of things. She often stopped and said, "Look, Joe!
Isn't that beautiful!"
He then answered, "All right, dear, How much is it?" and took his
money out to pay for it.
It was dark when they came out of the last shop, and Mr. Hermann
was tired and thinking about other things, like a nice drink by the
side of a warm fire at home. Suddenly his wife looked up at the sky
and said, "Look at that beautiful moon, Joe!"
Without stopping, Mr. Hermann answered, "All right, dear, How much
严冬来临，荷曼太太想采购一大批东西，所以她就一直等到周六丈夫有空的时候，她拖着他去商店付钱连带拎包裹。他们去了许多商店，荷曼太太买了一大堆东西。她经常停下脚步说道：“看，乔伊!那个多漂亮!”
他总是回答：“好吧!亲爱的，多少钱？”然后掏钱去付款。
他们从最后一家商店出来的时候夜幕已经降临，荷曼先生已精疲力尽了。他心里想着其它事情，比如在家里暖暖的火炉边呷口美酒。突然他太太仰望天空，说道：“看那月亮多美，乔伊!”
荷曼先生不加思索答道：“好吧，亲爱的，多少钱？”
I Am Acting Like a Lady
One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department
Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece.
But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women.
He stood it then, with head lowered and arms
flailing, he plowed through the crowed.
"You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can't you act like a
gentleman?"
"Listen," he said, "I have been acting like a gentleman for an
hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."
我要表现得象位女士
一天，远东百货公司的女装大减价，一位高贵的中年男士想给太太买一件。可是，没过多久，他发现自己已被疯狂的女人冲得踉踉跄跄。
他竭力忍耐着。后来，他低下头，挥动双臂，挤过人群。
“你干嘛？”有人尖声叫道，“你难道不能表现得象位绅士吗？”
“听着，”他说，“我已经象绅士一样表现了一个小时。从现在起，我要表现得象个女士。”
To Congress
After voting on Election Day, I stopped at a bakery. As the cashier
rang up some cinnamon rolls and doughnuts for the man ahead of me,
the customer joked, "Do you guarantee there don't have any
calories?"
Straight-faced, the clerk responsed, "Absolutely no
calories."
"You know where you'll go if you lie like this?" the man
"Yes," said the cashier. "To Congress."
选举日投票之后，我在一家面包店前停了下来。当收款员为排在我前面的人包起桂皮卷和炸面圈时，那名顾客开玩笑道：“你敢肯定这些东西不含任何卡路里？”
那名职员板着面孔回答说：“绝对没有卡路里。”
“你知道你那样撒谎会去哪儿吗？”那人取笑道。
“知道，”收款员说道，“去国会。”
Take Good Care
Customers often share personal experiences while they are shopping
at my sister's horse-tack and riding-apparel store. Not
surprisingly, safety is a primary concern when choosing equipment.
Once, when I was helping out on the sales staff, a woman looking at
head gear insisted on the best available.
"I've spent well over $100,000 on my brain and need to take good
care of it," she said.
Alarmed, I asked, "Did you have a head injury?"
"No," she replied. "I graduated from college."
顾客们在我姐姐的马食和骑马服商店里买东西时，经常彼此交流个人经验。毫不奇怪，安全是在购买装备时考虑的一个主要因素。一次，当我在销售处帮忙时，一名挑头盔的妇女坚持要买最好的一种。
“我已经在我的脑袋上花了远不止十万美元，需要好好保护它，”她说。
我吃了一惊，问道：“你的头受过伤吗？”
“没有，”她说，“我从大学毕业了。”
While shopping for my first CD player, I was able to decipher most
of the technicalese on the promotional signs. One designation had
me puzzled, though, so I called over a salesperson and asked, "What
does 'hybrid pulse D/A converter' mean?"
"That means," she said, "that this machine will read the digital
information that is encoded on CDs and convert it into an audio
signal - that is, into music."
"In other words this CD player plays CDs."
"Exactly."
在购买我的第一部CD唱机时，我能够解读推销标记上面的大多数技术语言。但是有一个标示却让我颇为迷惑，于是我叫过销售商，问道：“‘混合脉冲D/A变换器’是什么意思？”
“它的意思是，”她说，“这个机器能够读CD碟上加码的数字信息，将它转换成声音信息－也就是说，转换成音乐。”
“换句话说，这个CD唱机能够播放CD碟。”
“正是如此。”
A Fitting Purchase
A woman was waiting in the check-out line at a shopping center. Her
arms were laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies.
By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in an extreme
hurry and was not happy about the slowness of the line.
When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the
woman remarked indignantly, "Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here
and home before Christmas!"
"Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk. "With that wind kicking up
out there and that brand new broom you have there, you'll be home
in no time.
　　一位妇女在商场的收款处排除等候.她的双臂夹着拖把和扫帚,手里拿着其它的清洁用具.从她的动作和深深叹息中,明显看得出她非常着急,对于队伍缓慢的移动很不开心.
　　收银员收一盒肥皂的钱时,那妇女愤怒地说: "吭.我很幸运能够在圣诞前离开这儿回到家里."
　　"不用着急,女士."店员说."带上你的全新扫帚,随着那阵风冲出去,你转眼就会到家."
In the veterinary office where I'm a technician, we mail out
reminders when pets are due for vaccinations. Bruno, a German
shepherd, arrived for his annual rabies shot, and we were required
by state law to ask his owner if Bruno had bitten anyone in the
last ten days. "Oh yes, in fact that's why we're here," she
replied. Surprised, I told her we assumed they'd come in because of
our reminder.
"We did," she explained. "Bruno bit the mail carrier who was
delivering your card."
我是一家兽医站的技师。当动物到了该注射疫苗的时候，我们就寄出催单。一条德国物质牧羊犬布鲁诺来做每年一次的狂犬疫苗注射。我们依照州法律的要求询问他的主人，在过去的十天里布鲁诺是否咬了什么人。“噢，是的。事实上这正是我们到这儿来的原因，”她回答说。我觉得奇怪，告诉她我们以为他们是因为收到了我们的催单才来的。
“的确如此，”她解释道。“布鲁诺咬了给你们送催单的邮递员。”
Applying for my first job, I realized I had to be creative in
listing my few qualifications. Asked about additional schooling and
training, I answered truthfully that I had spent three years in
computer programming classes. I got the job.
I had neglected to mention that I took the same course for three
years before I passed.
第一次求职时，我意识到在列举我所具备的为数不多的条件时，得有点创造性。当问及我是否受过其它的培训时，我老实地回答说我花了三年时间学计算机程序设计课。我得到了那份工作。
我没有提到那门功课我重复学了三年才考及格。
How Did You Ever Get Here
One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for
work 45 minutes late. "It was so slippery out that for every step I
took ahead, I slipped back two."
The boss eyed him suspiciously. "Oh, yeah? Then how did you ever
get here?"
"I finally gave up," he said, "and started for home."
你是怎样来的？
一个冬天的早晨，一名雇员解释他为什么迟到了四十五分钟才起来上班。“外面太滑了，我每向前迈一步，就要向后退两步。”
老板狐疑地看着他。“噢，是吗？那你是怎样到这里来的？”
“后来我决定放弃，”他说，“然后我就往家里走。”
One Side of the Case
A judge asked our group of potential jurors whether anyone should
be excused, and one man raised his hand.
"I can't hear out of my left ear," the man told the judge.
"Can you hear out of your right ear?" the judge asked. The man
nodded his head.
"You'll be allowed to serve on the jury," the judge declared. "We
only listen to one side of the case at a time."
一位法官问我们这群修补陪审员是否有人应当免权。一个人举起了手。
“我的左耳听不见。”那人告诉法官。
“你的右边耳朵听得见吗？”法官问道。那人点了点头。
“你将被允许加入陪审团，”法官宣布。“我们每次只听一面之辞。”
Three Surgeons
Three famous surgeons were bragging about their skills. "A man came
to me who had his hand cut off," said one. "Today that man is a
concert violinist."
"That's nothing," said another. "A guy came to me who had his legs
cut off. I stitched them back on, and today that man is a marathon
"I can top both of you," said the third. "One day I came on the
scene of a terrible accident. There was nothing left but a horse's
posterior - and a pair of glasses. Today that man is seated in
United States Senate."
三个外科医生
三个有名的外科医生正在吹嘘他们的技术。“一个人断了一只手，他来找我，”一个说，“如今那个人是个音乐会的小提琴手。”
“这算不了什么，”另一个说。“一个家伙两条腿断了，他来找我，我将它们接了回去。如今，那人是马拉松选手。”
“我比你们两个都强，”第三个说，“一天，我碰到一起可怕的车祸。除了一个马屁股，和一幅眼睛，什么都没有留下。如今，那人坐在美国参议院里。”
Imitate Birds
A man tried to get a job in a stage show. "What can you do?" asked
the producer.
"Imitate birds," the man said.
"Are you kidding?" answered the producer, "People like that are a
dime a dozen."
"Well, I guess that's that." said the actor, as he spread his arms
and flew out the window.
一个人想在一个舞台剧中找份工作。“你能干什么呢？”负责人问。
“模仿鸟儿，”那人说。
“你在开玩笑吧？”负责人答道，“那样的人一毛钱可以找一打。”
“噢，那就算了。”那名演员说着，展开翅膀，飞出了窗口。
A Smugglar
The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was
greeted by a sentry. When the guard looked in the trunk, he was
surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams.
"What's in here?" he asked.
"Dirt," the driver replied.
"Take them out," the guard instructed. "I want to check
Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of
them contained nothing but dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let him
A week later the man came back, and once again, the sentry looked
in the truck.
"What's in the bags this time?" he asked.
"Dirt, more dirt." said the man.
Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he
found nothing but soil.
The same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally
became so frustrating to the guard that he quit and became a
bartender. Then one night, the suspicious-looking fellow happened
to stop by for a drink. Hurrying over to him, the former guard
said, "Listen, pal, drinks are on the house tonight if you'll do me
a favor: Just tell me what the hell you were smuggling all that
Grinning broadly, the man leaned close to the bartender's ear and
whispered, "Cars."
一个形迹可疑的人开车来到边境，哨兵迎了上去。哨兵在检查汽车行李箱时，惊奇地发现了六个接缝处鼓得紧绷绷的大口袋。
“里面装的是什么？”他问道。
“土。”司机回答。
“把袋子拿出来”，哨兵命令道：“我要检查。”
那人顺从地把口袋搬了出来。确实，口袋里除了土以外，别无他特。哨兵很不情愿地让他通过了。
一周后，那人又来了，哨兵再次检查汽车上的行李箱。
“这次袋子里装的是什么？”他问道。
“土，又运了一些土。”那人回答。
哨兵不相信，对那些袋子又进行了检查，结果发现，除了土以外，仍旧一无所获。
同样的事情每周重演一次，一共持续了六个月。最后，哨兵被弄得灰心丧气，干脆辞职去当了酒吧侍者。有天夜里，那个形迹可疑的人碰巧途经酒吧，下车喝酒。那位从前的哨兵急忙迎上前去对他说，“我说，老兄，你要是能帮我一个忙，今晚的酒就归我请客。你能不能告诉我，那段时间你到底在走私什么东西？”
那人俯身过来，凑近侍者的耳朵，裂开嘴笑嘻嘻地说：“汽车。”
Sleeping Pills
Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see
his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.
Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he
heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled
in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up
this morning."
"That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and
鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。
星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。”
“好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？”
Charge for Bread and Butter
Some years ago, my dad, an attorney, took me to a fancy restaurant
in Now York City. When the bill arrived, there was a $1.50 charge
for bread and butter. Dad paid the bill, including the charge for
bread and butter. However, the next day, he sent a letter to the
resturant stating that the charge was uncalled for. Enclosed in the
same envelope was a bill for $500 in legal services.
Someone from the restaurant called immediately and asked, "What is
this $500 bill for? We never ordered any legal services."
Dad replied, "I never ordered any bread and butter."
The $1.50 was returned without delay.
面包和黄油费
几年前，我当律师的爸爸带我去纽约的一家高档餐馆。帐单上来时，上面有1.5美元的面包和黄油费。爸爸付了帐，连同面包和黄油的收费一齐付了。但是第二天，他给餐馆寄了一封信，说那项收费是没有道理的。随信还寄上了一张500美元的法律服务机构的收费单。
餐馆马上打来电话，问道：“这500美元的收费单是怎么回事？我们从来没有要什么法律机构的服务。”
爸爸答道，“我也从来没有要什么面包和黄油。”
那1.5美元立即就寄了回来。
When I played with a symphony orchestra, our union reached an
agreement with a major airline about which instruments we could
carry on board, and which had to be shipped as luggage. A cellist
was dismayed to find that his delicate, expensive wood instrument
was consigned to the rougher handling and cold temperatures of the
baggage hold.
He neatly solved the problem. Cello in hanbd, he approached the
flight attendant at the gate and asked, "May I bring my clarinet on
board?" Scanning her list, she replied, "Clarinets are okay. Have a
good trip," and, smiling, waved him on.
我在一个交响乐团演奏时，我们乐团与一家大航空公司达成协议，哪些乐器可以带上飞机，哪些乐器要作为行李托运。一个大提琴手惊愕地发现他那精致、昂贵的木质乐器竟要托运，经受行李舱内的低温以及野蛮的装缷。
他干净利落地解决了这个问题。他手里拿着大提琴，走到门口的空中小姐跟前，问道：“我可以将我单簧管带上飞机吗？”她检视了一下单子，答道，“单簧管可以产。祝你旅途愉快。”然后微笑着挥手让他进去了。
The travel editor of a newspaper called, saying she was finally
using an article I had written several years earlier. She wanted to
be sure the tour information was still correct. "I also wanted to
make certain," she sheepishly confessed, "that you're still alive.
Whenever the writer has died, I know I've held a story too
一家报纸的旅行版编辑打开电话，说她终于决定要采用一篇我几年前写的文章。她想确定那旅游信息是否还可靠。“我还想确定，”她怯怯地坦白道：“您是否还健在。每次发现作者已经不在人世了，我才知道我将文章压得太久了。”
Asking for a Raise
At the radio station where I worked, the manager called me into his
office to preview a new sound-effects package we were considering
purchasing. He closed the door so we wouldn't bother people in the
outer office.
After listening to a few routine sound effects, we started playing
around with low moans, maniacal screams, hysterical langhter,
pleading and gunshots. When I finally opened the door and passed
the manager's secretary, she looked up and inquired, "Asking for a
raise again?"
我在一家电台工作。经理把我叫进他的办公室，让我预试一下我们准备购买的一套新的音响效果设备。他关上门，以免打扰外面办公室的人。
听了几个常规的音响效果后，我们开始试听低声的呻吟，狂乱的尖叫，歇斯底里的大笑，哀求逺和枪声。最后我开门出去，从经理秘书旁边经过时，她抬起头问道：“又要求加薪了？”
Roses for My Wife
On the way home one night, I spotted some fresh-cut roses outside a
florist's shop. After selecting a dozen and entering the shop, I
was greeted by a young saleswoman.
"Are these for your wife, sir?" she asked.
"Yes," I said.
"For her birthday?" she asked.
"No," I replied.
"For your unniversary?"
"No," I said again.
As I pocketed my change and headed toward the door, the young woman
called out, "I hope she forgives you."
给妻子的玫瑰
一天晚上回家的路上，我看到一家花店外面有一些刚剪下来的玫瑰。我挑了一打，走进店里，一个年轻的女售货员跟我打了个招呼。
“先生，这些是送给你妻子的吗？”她问道。
“是的，”我说。
“她的生日？”她问。
“不是，”我回答。
“你们的结婚纪念日？”
“不是，”我又答道。
当我将找回的钱装进口袋，朝门口走去时，那年轻的女人冲我喊道：“希望她能原谅你。”
My honest, hard-working father stood before the judge to explain
why he wished to be excused from jury duty. "Your Honor, my small
grocery store is the sole means of support for my wife and eight
children. To serve as a juror would mean closing the store, and I
can't sfford that."
"Mr. Jones, what if everyone were like you?" asked the judge.
"Your Honor," my father replied, "if everyone were like me, you
wouldn't be needing a jury."
我诚实而勤劳的父亲站在法官面前。解释他为什么希望免去陪审义务。“法官大人，我的小杂货店是我养活妻子和八个孩子的唯一经济来源。当陪审员就意味着要关店，我承受不起。”
“琼斯先生，要是每个人都象你一样，那结果将会如何呢？”法官问道。
“法官大人，”我父亲回答说，“要是每个人都象我，你就不需要陪审团了。”
Weather Predict
A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old
Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next
day it rained.
A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said,
"Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.
"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his
secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.
However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian
didn't show up for two weeks.
Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene
tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will
the weather be like?"
The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is
一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处工作.一天,一个印度老人到导演跟前告诉导演说"明天下雨."第二天果然下雨了.
一周后,印度人又来告诉导演说,"明天有风暴."果然,第二天下了雹暴.
"印度人真神,"导演说.他告诉秘书雇佣该印度人来预报天气.
几次预报都很成功.然后,接下来的两周,印度人不见了.
最后,导演派人去把他叫来了."我明天必须拍一个很大的场景,"导演说,"这得靠你了.明天天气如何啊?"
印度人耸了耸肩."我不知道,"印度人说,"收音机坏了."
No Frills Dentist Appointment
The Cohens were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Cohen
made it clear he was in a big hurry.
"No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered, "No gas or needles or any of
that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with."
"I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist
admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?"
Mr. Cohen turned to his wife Becky. "Show him, honey."
直率的牙病患者
　　科恩夫妇被领进牙医办公室。科恩先生声明说他非常着急。
　　“大夫，不要太贵的材料”，他说，“不要麻醉气、麻醉针或者类似的东西，拨出牙就行了。”
　　“但愿我所有的病人都象你一样有忍耐力，”牙医钦佩地说。“现在告诉我，你要拨哪颗牙？”
　　科恩先生转向他的妻子贝基说“亲爱的，给他看。”
Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter
A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders
sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the
For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it
never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow
and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went
to the pasture to wait for the lion.
In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of
blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully
approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain.
There was no sign of the lion.
"What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief.
"Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the
bull loose?"
伟大的猎手Jonesie
有个小村庄正为一只吃人的狮子而烦恼。于是，村长派人去请伟大的猎手Jonesie来杀死这只野兽。
猎手躺着等了几个晚上，但狮子一直没有出现。最后，他要求村长杀只羊然后把头皮给他。把羊皮披在身上后，猎人到草原上去等狮子。
半夜，村民被从草原传来的声嘶力竭的尖叫声惊醒。他们小心地靠近后，看到猎手正躺在草地上痛苦地呻吟。没有狮子出没的蛛丝马迹。
“Jonesie，怎么了？狮子在哪？”村长问。
“哪有狮子！”猎人怒吼道，“哪个傻瓜把公牛放出来了？”
thermometer or pen
A doctor is going about his business, with a rectal thermometer
tucked behind his ear. He goes into a staff meeting to discuss the
days activities, when a co-worker asks why he has a thermometer
behind his ear. In a wild motion he grabs for the thermometer,
looks at it and exclaims, "Damn, some asshole has my pen!"
钢笔还是温度计
一位大夫正在忙着看病。耳朵上夹着一个直肠温度计，大夫走进了医生办公室以便讨论当天的活动。这时，一个同事问他为什么把温度计夹在耳朵上。这医生急忙抓住温度计，看了看说，“见鬼，我把钢笔插入病人的肛门里了。”
A novice lion tamer was being interviewed. "I understand your
father was also a lion tamer," the reporter queried.
"Yes, he was," the man replied.
"Do you actually put your head in the lion's mouth?"
"I did it only once," said the new tamer, "to look for Dad."
一位驯狮新手正在接受采访。“我知道你的父亲也是个驯狮手，”记者说。
“他过去是。”那人回答说。
“你真的把头伸进过狮子的嘴里吗？”
“只有一次，”那位驯狮新手说，“为了找我爸爸。”
Good News And Bad News
"There's good news and bad news," the divorce lawyer told his
"I could sure use some good news," sighed the client. "What's
"Your wife isn't demanding that your future inheritances be
included in the settlement."
"And the bad news?"
"After the divorce, she's marrying your father."
好消息和坏消息
“有好消息，也有坏消息，”离婚律师告诉他的当事人。
“我总能利用一些好消息吧，”当事人吧了口气说，“是什么好消息？”
“你妻子没有要求将你未来的继承财产也划入裁决的范围。”
“那么坏消息呢？”
“离婚以后，她将与你父亲结婚。”
An Amercian, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident.
They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St.
Peterexplained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each,"
he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never
happened."
"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing
unhurt near the scene.
"Where are the others?" asked a medic.
"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was huggling price, and
the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."
一位美国人，一位英格兰人和一位加拿大人在一场车祸中丧生。他们到达天堂的门口。在那里，醉醺醺的圣彼德解释说是搞错了。“每人给我五百美元，”他说，“我将把你们送回人间，就象什么都没有发生过一样。”
“成交!”美国人说。立刻，他发现自己毫不损伤地站在现场附近。
“其他人在哪儿？”一名医生问道。
“我离开之前，”那名美国人说，“我看见英格兰人正在砍价，而那名加拿大人正在分辩说应该由他的政府来出这笔钱。”
"We have a skunk in the basement," shrieked the caller to the
police dispatcher. "How can we get it out?"
"Take some bread crumbs," said the dispatcher, "and put down a
trail from the basement out to the back yard. Then leave the cellar
door open."
Sometime later the resident called back. "Did you get rid of it?"
asked the dispatcher.
"No," replied the caller. "Now I have two skunks in there!"
“我们的地下室里有一只臭鼬，”打电话的人对警察调度员尖叫道。“我们怎样才能把它弄出来？”
“弄一些面包屑，”调度员说，“从地下室往外铺一条小道直到后院。然后将地下室的门打开。”
一段时间后，那位居民又将电话打了回来。“你们将它弄出来了吗？”调度员问。
“没有，”打电话的人答道，“现在那儿有两只臭鼬了。”
Starstruck
I have been starstruck since I was a little girl, so I was
delighted and practically speechless not long ago when I spotted
the actor Ernest Borgnine walking in my direction on New York's
Fifth Avenue. "Why, you're Ernest Borgnine!" I managed to blurt
"Yes," he said, nodding politely, "I know."
从小时候起，我就一直被明星所深深吸引，因此不久以前当我在纽约第五大街上认出演员厄内斯特.波格尼向我迎面走过来时，我欣喜若狂，完全不知该说什么好。“怎么，你是厄内斯特.波格尼!”我想法迸出一句话来。
“是的，”他很有礼貌地点了点头，说道：“我知道。”
Angler: You've been watching me for three hours now. Why don't you
try yourself?
Onlooker: I haven't got the patience.
垂钓者：你已经盯着看了三个小时了，你干嘛不自己亲自钓呢？
旁观者：我没那耐性。
Perfect Match
A wealthy matron is so proud of a valuable antique vase that she
decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase.
Several painters try to match the shade, but none comes close
enough to satisfy the eccentric woman.
Eventually, a painter approaches who is confident he can mix the
proper color. The woman is pleased with the result, and the painter
becomes famous.
Years later, he retires and truns the business over to his son.
"Dad," says the son, "there's something I've got to know. How did
you get those walls to match the vase so perfectly?"
"Son," the father replies, "I painted the vase."
一位富婆为拥有一只珍贵的古玩而深感骄傲，以至于她竟要把卧室漆成与花瓶同样的颜色。几名油漆匠试图调出这个底色，但是谁也没有能令那位怪癖的妇女满意。
最后来了位油漆匠。他非常自信能调出那种颜色。那妇女对他的成果非常满意，油漆匠于是一举成名。
多年以后，他退休了，生意也交给儿子。“爸，”儿子说，“有件事我得弄清楚，您是怎样使墙的颜色与花瓶配得那么绝的？”
“儿子，”父亲回答说，“我漆了花瓶。”
Grow Beard
I decided to grow a beard, and within two weeks my chin was covered
with a long stubble. One day, crossing the street, I noticed that
the driver of a car stopped at the walkway was an attractive young
woman. O hers grew wider as she leaned over to lock the
passengerside door.
I went home and shaved.
我决定蓄须，于是不到三个星期，我的下颏就满是长胡须茬。一天过马路时，我注意到一辆车停在人行道上，开车的是一位迷人的年轻女郎。我们的目光相遇了；她的眼睛睁大了，侧过身锁上了靠近人行道一边的车门。
我回到家，剃光了胡须。
Organization Plan of the Future
The exec was making a presentation to the company board: "Computers
have allowed us to cut costs," he explained. "We expect even more
dramatic improvements as computers become increasingly
self-sufficient." He unveiled a large chart showing a man, a dog,
and a computer. "Here is our organization plan of the
"What kind of plan is that?" demanded a board member.
"It's simple," replied the exec. "The man's job is to feed the dog.
The dog's job is to bite the man if he touches the computer."
未来的组织机构
执行经理在向公司董事会作汇报。“计算机使我们降低了成本，”他解释说。“随着计算机的自控水平不断提高，我们预计成本会有更大幅度下降。”他揭开一张很大的图表，上面画着一个人，一条狗和一台计算机。“这是我们未来的组织机械。”
“这是怎样一个计划？”一名董事问道。
“很简单，”执行经理回答说。“那个人的任务是喂狗，而如果那人碰计算机，狗就会咬他。”
Response Ability
An Ogden, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his
congregation for a cup of coffee. When asked if that didn't
constitute gambling, the minister replied, "It's merely a
scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act
of charity."
Philospher Bertrand Russell, asked if he was willing to die for his
beliers, replied: "Of course not. After all, I may be wrong."
A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the
question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only
save one painting, which one would you carry out?"
The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."
衣阿华州奥格根的一位牧师正在与一位教友为一杯咖啡而猜硬币。别人问他那是否构成赌博行为时，牧师答道：“这仅仅是决定由谁来做一件善事的一种科学方法。”
当我人问哲学家罗素是否愿意为了他的信仰而献身时，他答道：“当然不会。毕竟，我可能会是错的。”
一份报纸组织了一场竞赛，为下面的问题征集最佳答案：“如果卢浮宫起了火，而你只能救出一幅画，你将救出哪一幅？”
获奖的答案是：“最接近门口的那一幅。”
writing letter
In a mand house, a mental patient was writing letter. Seeing this,
the curious nurse asked.
Nurse: Who is you writing to?
Patient: Myself!
Nurse: What are you writing?
Patient: You neurotic! How do I know since I haven't got it.
一间精神病医院中，某个病患在写信。护士看到了就很好奇的问他。
护士：「你要写给谁阿？」
病人：「写给我自己啊！」
护士：「那你都写些什么阿？」
病人：「你神精病啊！我还没收到怎么知道？」
Good News and Bad News(II)
The nurse comes into the room that he is in and says that she has
good news and bad news.
The guy asks for the bad news first.
The nurse says, ''We're going to have to remove your legs.''
Then the guy asks for the good news.
The nurse says, ''The guy beside you wants to buy your
好消息与坏消息（二）
护士走进病房，并对年轻人说有好消息和坏消息。
年轻人首先要听坏消息。
护士说：“我们将不得不锯掉你的腿。”
年轻人接着要听好消息。
护士说：“邻床的年轻人要买你的鞋。”
Secret For a Long Life
A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says. "What's
your secret for a long, happy life?"
"I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat
fatty foods and never, ever exercise."
"Wow, that's amazing," says the woman. "How old are you?"
"Twenty-six."
一位女士走向坐在门廊的椅子上摇动的小老头。
“我无意中发现，你是多么幸福，”那女士说。“你幸福而长寿的秘密是什么？”
“我每天抽三包烟，每周喝一箱威士忌，吃高脂肪食品，而且从来不曾锻炼。”
“哦，真神奇，”女士说。“你高寿？”
“二十六。”
已投稿到：
以上网友发言只代表其个人观点，不代表新浪网的观点或立场。